Insecurities and People Pleasing

As part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, I am sharing my continual growth and self improvement that I've embarked on this year.

I will forever be a work in progress. And I'm down with that.

I've always been a people pleaser. Mainly to family, close friends, people I care about, and yes the pets are included. Okay, sometimes my co-workers and the boss, though with far less enthusiasm. After I embarked on a writing career, I found that I had even more people to please. People I didn't even know.

I generally get really good vibes from helping people, and I don't ever want to lose that. But then there's that unhealthy people pleasing. The kind that doesn't give off those sparkly vibes. The kind that wears a mind and body down because you've stopped living in your personal rhythm. I did that. I put myself last on my list. I put my health last. My needs were ignored because I was super good about making others happy. And my hubby gave me grief for this, but I didn't listen. I heard him, but I didn't listen.

I had to make some tough choices after awhile because my health slipped, and I didn't handle some personal stressors well. My doctor sat me down and said, "you're on a fast downhill spiral. I don't want to scare you, but it's fast. You need to make changes now" and you know, I freaked out. I wanted to see my baby graduate. I wanted to go to a convention and meet authors and readers and publishers. I wanted to go to Ireland with my sweetie. All of a sudden some very important aspects of my life were dangling in front of me. The unfinished dreams. The unfinished books. The unfinished story of my life. Scary!

And it was all on me. I had to own that I wanted to please everyone, and make everyone happy. I like happy - it's a good frame of mind to be in :) I like the feeling of making others happy. But there's an expense when you don't add yourself into the mix.

It took a couple years to get myself to a healthier place. It's still a daily battle, but it's a good one. I had to change all sorts of habits from food to exercise to social stuff, to learning to say no. I had myself convinced I was a machine. But I'm not, and since I can't trade in for younger, better parts, I have to take care of the ones I have.

I still struggle with this. I still try and take on more than I can handle. And I still find myself falling into the rhythm of helping others. Do I like to say no? Um, not always, no. Have I lost respect from others because of it? Yes, and it doesn't feel good. Have I lost friends over it? Yes, and it really doesn't feel good at all. Have I lost readers and fans because of it? Oh god, yes. It sucks!

But I'm one person. I have one life. I'm working each day to better myself in my professional life and my personal life. On most days, the really good days, I'm back on the priority list. Heck, I saw my baby graduate. *proud mama* I look forward to going to a convention in the near future. And in a few years I'm going to Ireland with my sweetie.

Do you put yourself on the priority list? If not, where do you place yourself?

Thanks for hanging out and letting me bare my soul!

~Ann Cory

Insecurities and Synopsis Writing

As part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, I am sharing my continual growth and self improvement that I've embarked on this year.

I will forever be a work in progress. And I'm down with that.

Though I've been writing for a number of years, I have a number of weaknesses to overcome. The important thing to remember is that a weakness can turn into a strength. It just takes time, work, dedication, and practice.

This week I'm putting a spotlight on synopsis writing. Now, I consider blurbs and log lines fun to write. A synopsis - not so much. I need practice writing them so that they're engaging and succinct, detailing the characters, plot, and important inciting events.

Mine reads like a book report. A somewhat dull book report.

And I don't get it. Because I'm super jazzed about my book. I LOVE my characters and the crazy ride I've put them through. I'm proud of the lessons my characters learned, and for their growth throughout the novella. But do you think I can convey that in my synopsis?

How can I spend months writing a book and not be able to clearly express what my book is about? Why can't I make it exciting and bursting to be snatched up by a publisher or editor?

This month I'm in a workshop taught by Sally Walker to help me gain some confidence in this area. My big hope is that weeks, or maybe months from now, I can scratch writing a synopsis off my list of weaknesses, and add it to my strengths :)

Do you find synopsis writing easy? Do you have a proven formula? Someday I hope to say YES!


~Ann Cory

Insecurities and Support

I just joined the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, as part of my continual growth and self improvement that I've embarked on this year.

Though I've been writing for a number of years, I have a number of weaknesses to overcome.

One of those weaknesses is what I discussed about yesterday in my post Writer's Retreat. And a reason why I signed up for this unique group.

I am a work in progress. Each and every single day.

Many people think that I'm outgoing, confident, motivating, and fun. I can be, but most of the time I have to pump myself up first. I used to freeze up at chats. Sometimes I still do. I'm not very good at talking about myself. Interviews are a challenge. Of course I want to talk about my book, I wrote it to share with the world, but to talk about myself...not so much.

The positive side about admitting a weakness is that with work, it can become a strength. I do much better than before. I've worked hard to join in more, sign up for blog events, take part in special groups with like-minded people, and hang out at the social network sites. Is it easy? Nope. But I've never done anything the easy way in my life.

I believe that I can overcome my shyness. It's work that I don't mind doing.

What about you? What's one of your insecurities?

~Ann Cory